A Monday, but not that bad...

I think it will be a challenge for me to keep this updated regularly. I'm at work now, finally finished the days work a full hour after I should have gone home. Yes, I am dedicated. I think I'm too much of a perfectionist. Wow, me a perfectionist? Is that possible given how lazy I am? But honestly when it comes to my job I will obsess over the smallest detail for fear that something will be presented wrong. I don't want to make the company look bad. I really am grateful to be employed anywhere with the economy being as it is. And considering my lack of a bachelor's degree I'm doing pretty well. I'm living check to check, but I'm surviving. Yes, there are bills that get shuffled and others I conveniently ignore, but my son and I have a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, heat, electricity, clean clothes and basic cable. I'd say I'm ahead of the game.
I still haven't told anyone my blog sight, well I told Rob I had one but not what it was called. I don't want people to think I'm doing this for attention. I'd rather they stumble upon it on their own, or better yet after I'm dead. I've spent too much time being vain, seeking attention and approval. I didn't realize you could be so arrogant and still have low self esteem. Yes, I have low self esteem. I guess that's what you call it. I am really hard on myself because it seems like I'm constantly saying or doing incredibly stupid things. Sometimes I wonder if I was born without social skills or common sense. I often ask myself "What it wrong with me?" I think I mentioned in my previous post that I also have a defective memory. I know alot of people say that, but for me it is true, and it has been a form of handicap my entire life. I think I was diagnosed with ADD as a teenager. I did the Ritlin thing but my dosage must have been off because I remember not being able to sleep at night because I could feel my eyeballs moving. Today I am drug free and have learned to accept it is yet another one of my faults that I will forever kick myself for. I really should be nicer to myself. The truth is I do love myself, I am my favorite person and the funnest person I know. Why do I have to be such a dumbass?
As far as this blog, I want people to hear me, but not for my own gratification. Well, maybe a little. I'm not super intelligent or eloquent, not so clever I could be a writer for Seinfeld (joke), but I think I'm fairly smart, reasonably interesting, accidentally amusing if not actually funny. Maybe someone would enjoy reading this, or get something out of it, I don't know. I have to go, it's snowing and I still have to drive home.