The Ten Commandments of Black Stand-up

The Ten Commandments of Black Stand-up

1)Thou shalt use the word "nigger" freely. Every black stand-up comedian has a quota that they must fullfill... the more the merrier! Eddie Griffen inserts the word "nigger" between every three other ones.

2)Thou shalt use the words "mother" and "fucker" (in that order) as frequently as "nigger". See Commandment One, replace "nigger" with words "mother" and "fucker"

3)Thou shalt discuss the issue of race and racism. White people have been oppressing blacks forever; they still are. As a black stand-up comedian, it is your job to point this out to everyone.

4)Thou shalt discuss the past practice of slavery and/or reperations for said practice. What would it be like if you were a slave? Or if there was still slavery? Or, if you're especially good, what would the world be like today if white people were made slaves by blacks?

5)Thou shalt discuss politics in relation to race. Bill Clinton was an honorary black; George Bush and the rest of the GOP is out to get you (very true). Also, Washington DC does not get representation in Congress because if it did, it would mean two more black senators (AND WHO WANTS MORE BLACK SENATORS?!).

6)Thou shalt discuss sex and women. Express your views on women and their roles in society. Also, sex is good. You get crazy amounts of ass/pussy. Woman don't know what they've got; they are amazingly complex creatures. Man is very simple and straightforward.

7)Thou shalt talk about drugs. Every black comedian *must* smoke weed.

8)Thou shalt talk about thy childhood and thy past. All black comedians were raised in the ghetto, and must therefore impart upon the audience, who may or may not be able to relate.

9)Thou shalt make reference of black culture and black youth today. Why are blacks compelled to drop fifty thousand dollars on cars when they never pay the rent on their apartment? Also, those damned kids today. They have it so easy, with their nintendo/playstation/computers/etc.

10)Thou shalt make stereotypical impersonations at every chance. Every black comedian must have an impersonation of a white man, a hispanic man and (in light of recent events) an arabic man. If you can get these three voices down, all you have to do is throw in a "nigger" or "mother fucker" and the audience will laugh. 

As you might be able to imagine, these criteria often overlap.