Toward the mark...

So I’m going to be 28 years old in 19 days. I always get reflective around this time of year. My birthday is a big deal to me. I just recently finished reading The Purpose Driven Life. Finishing it was emotional for me on many levels, partially because I originally began reading it with the man I thought I was going to marry. Now I will stop, to sigh and reflect briefly over that fiasco, then pull myself together to finish this post. After all, this is not going to be about him, or what could have been...

This post is about looking forward. Paul wrote that we are to forget those things which are behind and press forward. I’m paraphrasing; if you want the whole verse consult your nearest Bible. Philippians 3:13. Anyway, I find myself hopeful about the future, and when I keep my focus on Jesus rather than my own fears I know it will all be okay. The important thing now is to being living in my purpose. You can’t pray then worry.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher. As I matured I became even more certain I would make my career working with kids -teenagers specifically. Those at that awkward, confused age when they are learning to become adults and are making decisions, not always realizing that those choices can have long term and permanent effects.

Teenagers both fascinate and irritate me. Example, the other night I was driving home, I was on my street about to park across from my house. My street is a regular 2 way residential street, though traffic is a little heavier than on other streets in the neighborhood because it connects to a larger main road. It was dark, almost 9pm, and as I approached I see the silhouette of 4 maybe 5 girls walking dead along the middle of the street. I slow, forcing my eyes to focus on them, and out of no where another girl on a bike swerves out even further, directly into my path. She scared the crap out of me!! As I pulled in my space I leaned out of my window and began fussing at them like an old person. Don’t you know these fools actually proceeded to yell back at me?? As if they were anything but wrong!

I remember being so upset inside; questioning myself... could I handle that? That is how teenagers are, after all; rebellious, full of attitude and ready to challenge authority at every turn. Would the struggle beat me? Would these kids get the best of me and send me running for the hills? Do I have what it takes? I think part of the reason I have been reluctant to continue my studies is because of those reservations. Could I really make a difference?

I prayed over it for a while, asking God to give me clarity. I still know where I’m supposed to be. He has given me this passion for a reason; he has given me this purpose. Now I just have to trust that he has also placed in me the tools necessary to fulfill it.