Vices

I think I spelled that right. Vices. Those little addictions we have that help us cope with our stressful lives. I thought of this because it is about the 1 year anniversary of the day I quit smoking. I forgot the exact date, but I remember is it was towards the middle of January 2005. I suppose I should be happy, but it's a small victory. I had one of my worst cravings just this past weekend. Goddamn tobacco companies!!! That's a might powerful addiction. It's like being a recovery alcoholic or someone who was addicted to an illegal street drug. I will always struggle with this. I have overcome the physical, chemical dependency, but it's the behavior that stays with me. It became so much a part of my identity that I had to relearn how to act. That is why they tell teenagers not to start. Don't ever start, EVER! I wish I could go back in time to the first 4 or 5 times I tried cigarettes (it took a few tries before it stuck) and slap the hell out of myself a few hundred times. 15 year old idiot. My father had been a smoke for years, and quit when I was about 10 years. He quit because everytime he would I light one I would complain and cry and basically ruin any chance of him actually enjoying the cigarette. Ironic, I know.

I know there are some people who are able to smoke socially, or only a few times a week. But for the majority of smokers I know, it's a daily habit. An expensive, unhealthy, stinky addiction. For me, I did most of my smoking in the car or in the evenings to wind down after work. I was at about a pack a day. Crazy.

After a 4 year self imposed prohibition I recently decided to let myself start drinking a little alcohol, only to find that I have pretty much lost a taste for it. I went for my standard Heinekin, but it tasted nasty. I had to sip it slow and try to convince myself that I was enjoying it. I had a few glasses of wine and champagne during the holidays, but it didn't feel right. I have virtually no tolerance anymore and I don't like getting drunk, so I didn't drink more that half a glass. The truth is, I prefer a lemon flavored Lipton Iced Tea to a beer any day. Hm.

I had a point when I first started this post but it escapes me now.... Oh yeah. I want a cigarette. Damn it.

That is all.