Black Women, White Men

This is the conversation I had with my sister via e-mail this morning.

Me: True story. So this morning I’m in Dunkin Donuts getting my usual caramel iced latte. This upper class, country club, Eddy Bauer looking White man comes up next to me and orders “16 oz Black, 4 sugars.” So I look at him, smile and say, “Well, I’m a little more than 16oz, but I’m Black, hot, sweet and ready to go!”

Her: You are my idol :-) I need your confidence. So what did he say?

Me: I think it is so awesome that you believed me. It was just a joke. I thought about saying it and kind of chuckled to myself, but that was all. Every morning on my way to work I drive past a golf course. I see wealthy White men lounging in front of the clubhouse and I think, how many Black women will ever see the inside of that building who aren't cleaning it or serving food? How many white men of affluence marry Black women? Working on the main line I see a lot of wealthy people and I just think about stuff, you know? Why do I see so few Blacks around here? Why aren't we making it to the main line?

Her: Good question. We've made some progress but there's still a long way to go. We definitely need some representation out there. I was thinking the other night. Why are there so many black men with white women and so few white men with black women? Even the inner city guys that you could depend on to stick with us have switched teams. It's very depressing. What's wrong with us? Are we too much of a challenge for them?

Me: I find the answer to that question every time I open a fashion or magazine or turn on the TV. We are bombarded with images of beautiful white women. The only way we as Black women are able to be perceived as beautiful is to look as European as possible i.e. Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Beyonce, and don't even get me started on Lil' Kim. Our society, our culture has never learned how to appreciate the things that make Black women beautiful and feminine. Men (of any race) want women who are soft, delicate, who make them feel strong. There has been such a campaign over the last 20 years or so promoting this idea that Black women are so strong and independent that we don't need a man. This concept of the strong Black woman, while good in theory, is really counterproductive for those of us who want a man. Then you have to consider, White women out number Black women like 6 to 1; and they are everywhere -lower, middle and upper class, city, suburbs. By far, most Black women come from lower class, inner city neighborhoods. You and I went to school in a middle class suburb, but we were like 2% of the population at most. None of those White boys were checking for us.

Unfair though it may be, the social order is
White men
White women
Black men
Black women

It’s a lot easier to for Black men and White women to find a bond. Black men have racism, but they’re still men, White women have sexism, but they’re still white. As Black women we’re 0 for 2, no matter how much money or education we have. The perception is that Black women are less.

We didn't reach any conclusions or epiphanies this morning. This isn't a knock against anyone or accusations, these are just honest observations shared between to two sisters.