More rambling and complaining...

Although I constantly struggle with myself image, there are days I feel confident and competent, like I'm a pretty cool person. Days when I feel attractive and capable. This weekend was kind of like that. I just recently got my hair braided again after several months, so I'm feeling more like myself again. Braids have been a part of my identity since high school and I don't feel quite right without them. I tend to be more flirty and outgoing when I have my micros. Anyways, this weekend. I needed this weekend because I've been feeling pretty down on myself. As annoying as it is when loser guys try to holla at me, it reminds me that I'm still holla-worthy, you know? I've had a string of dead ends with guys lately and I was beginning to be discouraged.
The feeling is compounded by the fact that I'm one of the few people I know in my age-range (25-30) who isn't married or engaged. The sad truth is, I've never even been asked. Well, sort of. Erik proposed to me 4 or 5 times, but he was a homeless, junkie/alcoholic with homosexual tendencies, so I can't really count him(I still have to tell you that story). My ex (the one who is still torturing me) and I discussed marriage several times. He said he was planning the proposal and that I would be really surprised. The irony is that he surprised me by not proposing, HAHAHAHA!!!! sigh
Both my older sisters have been married. Sure, the one is divorced, but she had 11 great years with her husband and they are still friends today. The other is about to get divorced, but that's not the point. There is something about being asked. That someone feels deeply enough for you that they spend money and take the time to pick out an engagement ring, propose, buy a tuxedo, tell their friends ... Even my parents were married to each other by the time they were my age.
My anxiety about marriage is compounded again since I am a single mother. I feel like I have all the responsibilities of family life, but none of the advantages, like a husband. Someone to share all this shit with, someone to come home to. And a regular source of initmacy and physical release would be nice. I have reached a point where the thought of sex outside of a committed, loving, monogamous relationship is no longer doable. I want to fall in love. Plus, I would like to have more kids. My son has a brother and sister courtesy of his father, but he rarely sees them.
My point from the beginning was I think I have renewed hope that I will find someone. I have a couple leads working, one that has definite potential. I think I'm kinda cute, pretty even, with a little effort. I'm compassionate, a good cook (when I feel like it). I have a decent figure (though I could stand to lose a few). I have a great smile with dimples and big boobs. I think that puts me in the top 30%. I'm joking, but serious. I know women who are not so cute, lazy/unemployed, selfish, psycho and stupid who are married or engaged. Granted, their partners are equally defective, but they found each other, you know? I know I have my -ish with me, but someone must exist who complements me. Someone short tempered, with a goofy sense of humor, who enjoys napping and watching cartoons. Where are you Romeo?