Just Beautiful...

So, what’s it like to be beautiful? I know they say we are all beautiful in our own way. Of course it’s a person’s personality that makes them beautiful, but I’m not talking about that type of beauty.

I’m talking about the easy, obvious beauty. The woman, who when you’re walking down the street and see her pass, you can’t help but follow her with your eyes for a few moments. She hasn’t said a word and you know nothing about her; without even trying, she has gained your attention. Not because she’s half dressed looking like she just escaped from a rap video, but just classic, natural beauty.

When all decked out they take your breath away, but even in a ponytail, without any make-up they can work a t-shirt and jeans and still turn heads. Men want to have them on their arm and in their bed; women even want to be their friends. People just want to be around them.

It’s more than just having a slim figure, perky boobs and shiny hair. There’s nothing you can do to fake that quality. Some people are just beautiful. Beautiful babies, children, teens and finally adults.

I’ve found when you’re beautiful you don’t have to have great intelligence or a great personality. I’m not saying you can be an absolute moron or a miserable bitch. No matter how striking a woman may be physically, a bad attitude can still ruin it. In general, though, beautiful women just don’t seem to have to try as hard. They just have to be nice and smile, occasionally say something clever or relevant. Although, lately I keep meeting men who seem to prefer women who are beautiful and evil. It turns them on. Whatever.

If you are just average or below average in appearance, you better be funny, smart, compassionate, patient, successful, confident and willing to compromise –a lot.

Then there are the women who are fortunate enough to be naturally beautiful, and smart and funny and confident and successful. How unfair is that?! There is a girl I work with who is all those things... and she’s is a sweetheart! A genuinely nice person.

As you may have guessed, I don’t not consider myself to be “beautiful” at least not the obvious beauty I’m talking about. I do consider myself attractive. Cute. Pretty with effort. In the right outfit I can even be sexy.

I’m not complaining about it, I was just wondering. How does it feel to be beautiful? Desired? Envied? Sought after?

It must be nice.

That is all.

At My Best...

Although I love celebrating my birthday, for the last few years I find myself getting depressed as the day approaches. I'm turning 28 this September and I'm not married, engaged nor do I have any real prospects. My last serious long-term relationship ended in 2003. It lasted one and a half years and when we broke up I went through a mile depression for a year, I even starting smoking again for a while. Since then it's been one disappointing relationship after the other...

For the most part I am a happy person, I have a strong prayer life and I find that talking to the Lord helps me hold on and keep my head up. I know I am blessed. Each season of my life exists for a reason. The only regret comes when I don't learn the lesson God is trying to teach me. Life is actually pretty good.

I played basketball for about 2 hours last night and it felt really good. I started getting down about some recent events, and ended up the kitchen looking for something to munch away my blues. Fortunately, that little voice whispered softly, "There's a better way..." So I grabbed my son's basketball and headed down to the park. I played hard, got all sweaty and stinky. My body is a little stiff and sore today, but it's a good pain, you know?

I know I said I wasn't going to weigh myself everyday or obsess over every pound, but I was curious, so I weighed myself this morning. I still don't have a scale in my apartment, but we have at the office. I am pleased to report that all my hard work is in fact paying off. That's make me want to do even more. :}

So, if this dry streak keeps up for a while, the next man to realize what a prize I am and snatch me up is going to be getting me in peak condition. Sweet!

That is all.

Pouting...

So, there’s this guy that I’ve known since I was like 12 or 13 years old. We used to attend church together; we were baptized at the same time. He used to like me way back, but I wasn’t into him like that. Over the years we maintained casual contact. We knew each other’s families, but our lives went in very different directions. Although we both knew the Lord, he took the straight road and I took, well, let’s call it a detour. Anyway, he’s a decent guy, strong relationship with God, faithful in service. I can’t say I had a romantic interest in him, but I did like him. He’s good people.
We have hung out a few times, as friends. When I worked in King of Prussia near him we had lunch a couple times. Summer before last we drove down to Long Beach Island in New Jersey for the day. Attended Bible study together once or twice, played foosball. Nothing serious. Our personalities are very different, but there was still a mutual respect.
Mostly we traded e-mails, occasionally spoke on the phone. He moved back to the town I lived in about a year ago, so I saw him more often. We were friends, in the most platonic sense of the word.
About this time last year he told me he had a girlfriend. I was happy for him. Since I knew I had no romantic intentions toward him I continued as usual. Naturally, I heard from him less and less and that was fine. I had my own life and so far as I could tell he and I were on good terms. In February of this year he sent me an e-mail saying that he was engaged. Again, I was happy for him. As I got the end of the e-mail, however, I was surprised to read, “I am sure you will understand though that means that our email correspondence has come to an end.” I thought it was odd, but just responded by congratulating them.
He lives with relatives on the same street as my parents, 2 blocks down. One afternoon in April I saw an ambulance in front of their house. I wasn’t able to find out what happened, so the next day I sent him an e-mail. I made a point of saying that although he didn’t want to trade e-mails anymore, I was simply expressing concern. After all, I’ve known the man and his family 15 years. He explained what happened and that everything was okay. He ended his e-mail by saying, “I hope you are not offended that we don’t talk any more. It’s not personal. My fiancée and I agreed once we got engaged to discontinue communications with our friends of opposite gender for the benefit of our own relationship.”
At this point, I’ll admit, I should have dropped it, but I was hurt, but instead of acting like a grown up, my response was, “I'm glad everything is okay with your family. I am not offended that you can't talk to me anymore, though I must admit I don't understand it. You and I have known each other since we were kids and you are a friend of the family. Is this just while I happen to be single or forever? Do I still get a card at Christmas? Will I be invited to the wedding? And if so, can I talk to you then or should I sit on the other side of the room and avoid eye contact? I am being sarcastic -sort of. Seriously, it is not for me to understand or approve the decisions the two of you make for your relationship. That's your business. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I'll get over it.” Immature? Yeah, I know, but I was upset.
Fast forward to this summer. I started playing basketball a little over a month ago and I have to walk past his house everyday because he lives right next to the park. So everyday I see his car, and I’m feeling kind bad about the way I acted. So I decided to stop by and talk to him, clear the air and wish him the best. The first time, he says he has a terrible migraine and can’t talk. No problem. I stopped by again a few days later and he makes a big deal about saying he’s on the phone with his fiancée and won’t be off for a long time. Fine again. The next day he sends me an e-mail saying, “I would appreciate it if you discontinued coming by my house to see me. I would also ask you to discontinue contact with me in general. I am engaged to be married. Please respect my wishes. Thank you.” That was rather harsh, don’t you think?
So, after writing several drafts of a response telling him exactly what I thought about him and his stupid fiancée, I realized I was wasting my time. He made his decision. My little hurt feelings are the least of his concerns. So I simply responded, “I will respect your wishes.”
And I will. But I still don't understand it. It seems wrong to cut off contact with a friend just because they happen to be the wrong gender. This is going to bug me for a while.

That is all.

Weight for it...

Yeah, so I am attempting to change part of my life for the better. I am NOT going on a diet. I don’t believe in diets. They are stupid and pointless, as far as I’m concerned, and I won’t do it. I am attempting a lifestyle change, something I can do for years, not for a few weeks or months.
I know myself. I like to eat until I’m full and I don’t like tedious, repetitive exercise. I had a gym membership for an entire year (automatic debit $30 a month from my checking account) and went ONE (1) time. True story.

I think I mentioned a few posts back that I started learning to play basketball. I’m still doing that and I still like it. I play almost every day (when it’s not raining), usually by myself or with my son. I did play one on one with one of the neighborhood boys. He won of course, but it was a good experience for me.

The funny thing is how a little bit of exercise changes my attitude about food. I find that when I sit down to eat I am less hungry, weird, huh? I think about all the running and sweating I’ve done and the thought of chowing down on 2,000 calories of anything is NOT appealing. I’m finding there are lots of foods that I enjoy eating that are low in fat and calories. I actually enjoy crunching on baby carrots. Special K bars and Quaker Oatmeal granola bars are my new favorite snacks. I am proud to report I have not set foot inside a McDonalds in 2 weeks, and I don’t really miss it. All that fast food was going to be the death of me.

So, here I am playing basketball, getting pretty good, eating more healthy foods; so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that I found myself doing sit-ups one evening. Just on a whim. Shortly after I was doing push-ups too, given they were girl push ups but it’s better than nothing. Then I found some old free weights and started doing reps, working out my arms and shoulders. I’m stretching every night, feeling more limber.

I have made it point not to weigh myself, I don’t own a scale. I am more interested in how I feel and how my clothes fit. My weight has never made much sense, I have always looked about 20 lbs lighter than I really was, I contribute that to the natural muscle tone in my legs (I can’t take credit for that, it’s a family trait) and a large chest. I have always had narrow hips and couldn’t gain weight in my rear if I tried. It’s a blessing and a curse. I sometimes wish I gained weight in my hips and rear because then I would have a more voluptuous and feminine figure. Sadly all my weight goes to my belly and back.

The good thing about a lifestyle change versus a diet is that I can relax and enjoy it. Instead of setting unrealistic timelines and stressing about how many pounds I lost this week, I can just do what I’m doing and see the results as they come. In the mean while I feel great inside and out, because after all these years I’m finally getting it right.

That is all.

Random Love Stuff

Is there such a thing as a love that doesn’t go away?
A love that endures through heartache, pain, disappointment, distance, and life changes?
Is it possible to really love someone forever?
Why are there some people who can send us into an emotional frenzy without even trying?
Should you fall in love with your heart or your head?
What do you do when the person who makes your heart jump, flutter, stop and start again doesn’t love you back? Or doesn’t love you the way you love them?
Do you choose the one you love or the one who is good for you?
And why are they never the same person?
Why is it so hard to find compatibility and passion?
Why can’t you have both?
Why most you always choose?
Love shouldn’t have to be a compromise from the very beginning, right?

There are two ways to look at it. On one side you could say it’s better to be really in love, and passionate about one another. Not just passion when it comes to sex, but someone who gets you excited about life. That foundation will keep you grounded through hard times. The deeper your love for one another the stronger the relationship will be. You will fight harder to make it work.
On the other side, some say it’s more important to be compatible. Shared values, shared goals. Mutual respect and friendship are best because they are more rational. As the years go by this type of relationship is more likely to survive because it doesn’t rely so much on emotions. It may not be as passionate, but it’s comfortable, probably healthier in the long run.

The point I’m trying to make it WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE???!!! Why can’t it all come in the same package? I don’t know, maybe as I get older I’ll begin to lean more to the latter, but if I had to choose today, I would opt for passion. I want the one who gets me all twisted up. The one who knows how to handle me, how to push my buttons and get my attention. I want the butterflies.

I don’t have any conclusions. This is just some stuff I was thinking.

That is all.