Another Week...

This will be short, I don't have a lot of time. Just found out that they are going to block all non work related websites here at my job. They will provide one computer in the mail room for us to use during our lunch breaks. Not yet sure when this takes effect. I also found out they read all our e-mails -which I sort of suspected, but now that I have confirmation it seems kind of creepy.
Anyway, I am moving out of my apartment this week. I will be home with the parents until October 15th. It will suck, but not so bad as it would if I were staying there permanently. Anymore than 45 days and it would be the Amnityville Horror up in there. Katchem Kill 'em.
Seriously, though my mom did something really sweet for me last night. While I was at my apartment packing up the last of my crap she prepared our old rooms for my son and me. She hung up all my clothes, sat my shoes all neatly together, and made up our beds. Maybe it won't be so bad.
I spent my vacation in Myrtle Beach, I had a terrific time. I swear I am going to figure out how to post pictures to this blasted site!!!
My birthday party is coming up in just 2 short weeks and I am looking forward to it like a little kid. I love my birthday, I don't think I'll ever grow out of that, no matter how old I get. I invited, well, entirely too many people. That's good though, there will be SOOO many different personality types, there will never be a dull moment. I attract and am attracted to a wide variety of people, so to have them all together should be interesting.
That is all for now. I have no idea when I will post again...

Interesting Developments...

Myrtle Beach was a great time. GREAT TIME. Hotel was right on the beach, my son was occupied with all his cousins in the pool most of the time, so I had a lot of me time, which was essential. I got to hang out with my big sis' who is an awesome person, and a lot of fun. My whole family is actually pretty cool and we made a lot of memories that I will cherish for years to come.
I wish I could figure out how to freaking post pictures to this stupid sight!!! We took SOO many pictures. My sister and I are both tired of people taking crap "candid" pictures of us, so before we left we made a vow to take lots of really great pictures of each other. I could go on for a while talking about my vacation, but more interesting is what -or who- was waiting anxiously when I got home.
My son's father. Wow.
I don't want to say much. He is an open wound on my heart that just won't heal. Every time I think I'm over him he does something wholly unexpected and I find myself back in floating to that place. That place where he and I are in love, treating each other with respect and tenderness, raising a family.
Why won't it go away? I have been praying about this for 8 stupid long years. In some prayers I ask God to change his heart so he will be the father and man my son and I need. I have prayed just for his happiness, that he would find his way. Sometimes I ask God to make my feelings for him go away forever. Sometimes, in my dark moments, I ask God to drop something heavy on his head. But I guess the point is that for 8 years he has been in my thoughts in prayers. For better or worse I have a great passion for him, and a great affection.
So I come home and there he is.
Happy to see me, longing for my company.
He shared with me that one thing I have been craving for so long.
The one addiction I may never lose a taste for.
His heart.

Goldie Locks...

So they say blondes have more fun, and I will be testing that theory over the next couple months, because yes folks, I am now a blonde. Code name: Goldie Locks.

I have often seen other Black women with blonde hair and thought -out loud or just in my head- how stupid they looked. If God had intended brown skinned Black women to have blonde hair he would have made atleast a few naturally. I'm not talking about light skinned, mixed, half & half or other. I mean regular every day Black women. It seems we are always trying to do something to make our hair fit into the European standard for beauty. With the exception of the 1970's, when was the last time you saw Black women in any significant quantity wearing their hair the color and texture with which they were born? Even those who don't rock weaves and extention have a perm at the very least.
*for those who don't know, a perm for a Black person makes their hair straight, versus perms for White people that makes it curly.
I have said many times that one day when I am more comfortable with myself I would stop wearing weaves and extentions, and stop perming and just wear my hair the way it grows. No apologies, no excuses.
Clearly, that day is not today.
Today I am a brown skinned Black woman with long blonde hair.
I will accept that today, I am a hypocrite.
G.L.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY R.G.P.

I am

I am an eccentric single mother
I am a black woman
I don't know how to be a black woman
I think I'm doing it wrong.


I think, instead, I should have been a gay white man.

Tuesday Stuff...

Um, okay...
You ever have that feeling when you see that one special person and you get all tingly and stuff, and they touch you and there is a real shock of energy between you and when they kiss you you literally feel a little woozy? Like when you haven't seen them a while and they call you just to tell you they were thinking of you, and you smile like a dummy, and people around you see you acting all goofy and happy and just wanna smack you, because your joy has become far to cute and annoying to tolerate? And then you see them and you are content to just sit there and be with them and not say anything or do anything, because you just like being around them and they make life feel so comfortable and more exciting at the same time. And they laugh at your corny jokes and you laugh at theirs, and they yell at you but you don't mind, and you yell back, but it's okay because there is no one else in the world you would rather yell at or have yell at you than that person? When you spend time with them it's good even when it's bad because learning about them allows you to learn about yourself. You know how when someone falls in love with you it's like falling in love with yourself because you have the opportunity to see all the wonderful things they see. You get to see yourself through their eyes, and there eyes are all glossy because they are so woozy from being infatuated with you. And you like hearing them talk because they like talking to you and really care that you hear what they say because they know they are important to you and your attention validates who they are and vice versa? And you respect their opinion and want to hear their thoughts and you want to debate important issues because you keep each other sharp and you know that you are better for having them in your life and you know that they know they are better for having you in their life? And you don't disagree because you think they are stupid but because you want them to hear you and know that you only argue because it is so important that they understand you, even if they don't agree, because how can you love someone forever if they don't know the exact reason why you hate pineapple juice and love Beavis and Butthead? You know? And then when you stope arguing and get to make up... I won't go there, but isn't that cool too? And when you do regular dumb stuff together like laundry or go the market and you do cute stuff like kiss in the produce section, or or stop putting wet clothes in the drier just to smack him with a towel, not because your mad, but because you want him to chase you and you want him to catch you and you giggle and smile... hehehe. And you play sports or video games against each other, but instead of letting them win you want to kick their butt so you can gloat about it for the next 3 months. But when you're on the same team you are both ruthless and competitive and all the other players hate you because you are so in sync no one can touch you. And when you're in the car they let you sing loud to every song that comes on the radio because they know how much you love to sing, even though they have a desperate need to drive off a cliff. And you know that even though they are so proud of you for all the things you are, can do, and have accomplished, they accept you for all the ways you fall short, they love your humanity, and respect your willingness to try and push through even though times get hard. And they comfort you when you are down, but never insult you by feeling pity for you because they know you are SOOO much more than your circumstances. And they are your best cheerleader because they love you and feel each success and failure as if it were there own, yet have that special ability to seperate from you enough to understand that you are you and must feel, see and perceive each obstacle and situation for yourself.
And, they're really cute too.
Yeah, that's nice

The necessity of having your own place

Let me make it clear that I love and respect my parents. I am fully aware of all the sacrifices they have made to help me just because they love me and want me to do well. I know it has been hard for them at times and I will always remember and honor them. Having said that, I am SOOO glad I don't have to live with them anymore. Parents are just people at the end of the day. At the end of the day my parents are annoying. I think they are the only 2 people on the planet who could tolerate each other for as long as they've been together. 

My older sister (the one who grew up in this house with me) left for college back in 1987 and has not lived here for more than a 2 month period since. She actually has anxiety about staying here for more than a few hours at a time. I used to think that was silly, but the older I get the more I understand. Were it not for my son I doubt I would come here more than once a week. Is that terrible? Probably, but damn. Those 2 are mental. Just watching them interact with each other is emotionally draining. I think it's best the two of them just stay here together til death do they part. My sister and I agreed that if Dad passes first, she would take Mom; and if Mom passes first I would take Dad. If they both live old enough that they can't take care of themselves and need to live with one of us, they are both outta luck. There is no way way I will ever EVER on purpose live with both of my parents again. 

That is all.

Masturbating Lesbian Clones and other oddities...

I love RP!! Only he could inspire such an peculiar title for my blog post. He is also proof of the dangers of actually reading my blog postings. Hehehe.

In all honesty, I don't actually have anything to say about lesbians, clones or masturbation. Sorry, I know that sounded exciting, didn't it?
If you are curious however go to http://lifeoffiverings.blogspot.com/2005/08/comments-life-blogg-otherwise.html for some insight.

I think it is amazing that men and women are able to get together at all. We are so freaking different. To men, women are over emotional, irrational creatures of mystery. To women, men are simpleminded, self centered children. Yet we still want to be together. Go figure.

I am content being single for the time being. From what I can tell from those attached around me I'm not missing out on much. Sex? Eh. It'll be there. Companionship? Eh, I have friends and relatives who care for me far more than any "boyfriend" ever has.
When the right man comes along and the time is right I will know it. For the time being, I like spending time with myself, my son and with God. I like having the whole bed to myself. It's a queen size!! I like that I don't have to shave if I don't freaking feel like it!! Most of all I like the absence of nonsense that seems to accompany most relationships. Dating is just a big revolving door of drama and I'm not interested. At least not right now. I used to feel incomplete if I wasn't joined at the hip to some XY chromosome toting, human security blanket. Not anymore. I like myself enough to be content and feel complete with just me. Yeah me!!

A couple years ago I wrote a short paper called "Dating: A 12 Step Program"
It was pretty funny. I'll have to find it and post it.

Okay, back to work.

TOP 10 Sites chosen by me !!

This list is constantly changing, but as of now it's true.

http://seelifedifferently.blogspot.com/
http://weblog.deleteyourself.com/index.php
http://www.katsstuff.com/
http://www.jegsworks.com/index.html
http://lifeoffiverings.blogspot.com/
http://pinguandpinga.blogspot.com/
http://meanwhiledot.blogspot.com/
http://hampsterhuey.blogspot.com/
http://www.bible.com/
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=erinisasquirrel

If...

You know, stuff. I can't think right now. I am frustrated. I can't do the things I want to do because I am weighted down by all the stuff I HAVE to do. I get pissed off whenever I see kids wandering the neighborhood during their summer vacation. Youth is wasted on the young!!! I want to scream at them for all the mistakes I made. I understand why parents turn into psycho freaks. It's so hard to see these dumb kids enjoying all the youth and freedom we traded in to become "grown ups." They don't know what they are doing. They are just going to squander it and end up bitter and annoyed 20 years from now when they realize it.
I must learn how to get over it, but I can't. I don't know if I will ever completely forgive myself for that last summer before my life changed forever and ever and ever.
That last freaking summer!!! My last summer.

How different might my life be if...

We all have that "if" don't we? Doesn't it just piss you off !!??

I don't wanna talk about it.