God

Our God is an awesome God

He reigns from heaven above

With wisdom power and love

Our God is an awesome God.

Relationship...

"There is only one relationship that matters, and that is your personal relationship to a personal Redeemer and Lord. Let everything else go, but maintain that at all cost, and God will fulfill His purpose through your life."

-Oswald Chambers

!!!!

I'm going to try to keep this as short and organized as possible.

SHOCK!! Joe & Betty had a second date, he asked her out this past friday. Betty is certain this was the last date.
They went to see a horror flick, and both were sufficiently scared, so they had fun making fun of themselves afterward. Then they went to play pool at a hall near Joe's house. Betty sucks! She is terrible at pool so the games were pretty one sided. At times it was as if Joe was playing by himself. She tried to keep a positive attitude and keep it playful, but she admitted that she was a little embarrassed at how poorly she played and got the feeling Joe was a little annoyed that the games went on so long.
Betty was feeling all kinds of anxiety because she wasn't (and still isn't sure) how Joe feels about her. She likes him, enjoys his company and would like to keep seeing him. She can't tell how much of a priority sex is for Joe, or how long he will continue asking her out without some sort of physical gratification.
It's a delicate balance. The mind/body ratio. How much he respects her mind versus how much he wants her body. How much a guy likes you versus his sex drive. He may like you, but not enough to keep it in his pants without losing interest. Joe may have enjoyed Betty's company enough to handle 2 dates without getting some, but after this he may decide it's not worth it.
Joe doesn't push the issue, but brings it up in playful ways. At the end of their first date between a series of deep kisses, he kept asking her if she was sure she had to leave. At the end of this one, when they got back to his place after leaving the pool hall they both smelled like smoke. He gave her hug and suggested they take a shower and walked her towards the bathroom. He was not forceful or aggressive, but he made his point crystal clear. She declined in the same playful light manner, borrowing a line from Pirates of the Carribean. "I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request" they both laughed and she made her way to the door.
She stepped into the hallway and took the few steps expecting Joe to follow behind and walk her to her car. It all happened in slow motion. With every step echoing in her head she could sense that Joe was not behind her and her stubborn pride would not allow her to stop or turn around to check. She got to door that leads to the stairs, still no Joe. So she stuck out her chin and walked the rest of the way to her car without looking back. She sat in her car just a minute longer than necessary just incase he was still coming, nothing. She spent the entire ride home assuring herself that she had done the right thing.
I told her she did, but I don't think that made her feel any better. I agree that it takes more than a few dates to get to know someone. I can't imagine sharing something as personal and intimate as sex with someone without some emotion behind it, maybe even love. Why does sex have to a recreational sport? Why can't you take time to get to know a person and have real feelings before you jump into bed?
Hold on, let me pump the brakes. It's not as if there wasn't a time with casual sex was doable for me. Yes, I've done it, but isn't that supposed to get old after while? Bed hoping? That's not even safe, dang. I'm getting older, I can't have a bunch of different dudes seeing my goodies.

Anyway, Betty let her pot simmer overnight, then gave Joe a call on Saturday, just in case she was reading him wrong.
Betty: Hey, what's up? Are you busy?
Joe: Nah, I'm not doing anything. What's up?
Betty: Well, I was just curious about last night.
Joe: Yeah?
Betty: Well, I kind of got the impression that I had been dismissed.
Joe: I thought the same thing about you. You just walked away.
Betty: Oh, I was expecting you to walk me to my car.
Joe: I was going to, but you walked away so fast, I thought you were upset with me.
Betty: Really?
Joe: Yeah, I thought I offended you or something.
Betty: Oh, no. Okay.
Joe: Okay.
Betty: Okay good. I guess I'll talk to you later.
Joe: Yeah. Okay. Bye.
Betty: Bye.

Poor Betty.

Half Crazy

Never Thought That We Would Ever Be More Than Friends

Now I'm All Confused Cause For You I Have Deeper Feelings

We Both Thought It Was Cool To Cross The Line

And I Was Convinced It Would Be Alright

Now Things Are Strange, Nothings The Same And Really I Just Want My Friend Back

And My Mind's Gone Half Crazy Cause I Can't Leave You Alone

And I'm Wondering If It's Worth Me Holding On

Said My Mind's Gone Half Crazy Cause I Can't Leave You Alone

And I'm Wondering If It's Worth Me Holding On

I'd Hate Walk Away From You As If This Never Existed

Cause When We Kissed The Moment After I Looked At You Different

Lately I Gotta Watch What I Say Cause You Take Things Personally Nowadays

You Used To Laugh Now You Get Mad

Damn I Just Want My Friend Back

And My Mind's Gone Half Crazy Cause I Can't Leave You Alone

And I'm Wondering If It's Worth Me Holding On

Said My Mind's Gone Half Crazy Cause I Can't Leave You Alone

And I'm Wondering If It's Worth Me Holding

What Happened To The One I Used To Know ?

The One I Used To Laugh And Joke With?

The One I Used To Tell All My Secrets?

We Used To Chill And Be Down For Whatever Whenever Together

And My Mind's Gone Half Crazy Cause I Can't Leave You Alone

And I'm Wondering If It's Worth Me Holding On

Said My Mind's Gone Half Crazy Cause I Can't Leave You Alone

And I'm Wondering If It's Worth Me Holding On

We Used To Chill

We Used To Hang

We Used To Do We Used To Do Some Many Things Together

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Oh Oh Yeah Oh Oh Oh

Musiq Soulchild

The word for today is "Shhh"

I have discovered that I have a tendency to run off at the mouth and say stuff that is very stupid. I am trying to not do that so much. It starts off as an attempt to say something funny that either goes right or goes way wrong. If it goes right, then I keep going trying to top it for another laugh. If it goes wrong I try to fix it and explain it which actually makes it worse. The bad part is while I'm rambling like a moron I stop and listen to myself and from the inside I'm shouting "Shut up shut up shut up!!" But alas, it is too late. The people around me have already realized that I am a dumbass.

"It is better to keep remain quiet and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"

Conversation

Last night I went to bed relatively early and was woken up at about 11pm by my phone ringing. I answered it, still mostly sleep and had a very short conversation with a man I recently started dating and immediately fell back to sleep. This morning I sent him an e-mail.

Me: Did you call me last night?
Him: No I stopped by for about an hour. You mean you don't remember?
Me: No, what happened?
Him: I don't remember all the details cause it was pretty late but something about Joe Frazier and baby carrots.
Me: Wow, sounds interesting. Did you have a good time?
Him: I had a great time. You seemed to have a good time also.
Me: How come you had a great time, but I only had a good time?
Him: because I'm selfish!
Me: At least you're honest. It's a shame I can't remember anything...
Him: Well you probably just need a refresher. Are you ever going to have any time to see me again?
Me: I don't know. I am so busy and important. I'll have to check my book. *note humor
Him: well as usual, I'll wait to hear from you.
Me: As usual? I wasn't aware we had established a usual.
Him: Hey, what are you doing tomorrow then? Are you available?
Me:*smile*
Him: I'll take that as a yes.
Me: Do you like horror movies?
Him: yeah, I love them why is there one you want to see?
Me: The Amityville Horror
Him: It's a date

Ralph & Alice

So, I have this other friend, I'll call her Alice. Back in 1999 she met this really cute guy "Ralph" while riding a bus home from college. They started talking and found they had a lot in common. At the time they were both still living with their parents and neither had a car. He lived in West Philadelphia, she in the suburbs about 25 minutes away by car. After a few months they decided that the circumstances of their individual lives made the relationship too difficult to maintain and decided to go their separate ways. They parted on good terms.
Approximately one year later Alice applied for a job as a waitress at a restaurant near her house. The day of her interview who does she run into? Ralph of course. He was already a waiter there and told her how much he had missed her and thought of her during the preceding months. The fire was reignited and they picked up basically where they left off.
For about 2 years they dated on and off. The two had a great affection for each other, each was embraced by the other's family. Unfortunately, they each had very different ideas about what the future held for them individually and as a couple. She wanted him to grow up and be more responsible. He wanted her to stop nagging and trying to control him. They decided near the end of 2001 that they were not suited to be life partners and went their separate ways.
In 2003 Alice went through a very painful break up and called Ralph to talk as they had so many times in the past. She was informed by his wife that he was now married with a new baby. Alice was disappointed, but also happy for her friend. She attended a birthday party his wife threw him and they talked on the phone once in fall 2004.
So, now almost 6 months later she is surprised when he calls her and says that he is getting a divorce and wants to see her. Over the course of one visit and a few phone calls he reveals that his marriage was a mistake, he has always loved her and considered her "the one that got away." He tells her the thing that prevented him from proposing to her years earlier was the fear that she would reject him.
Poor Alice. Her head is spinning. She is not certain how she feels about Ralph today or if resuming their relationship is a good idea. For now, she is happy to have him back in her life and grateful for an opportunity to know him again.

Joe & Betty, exes and Jamaican Stalkers

I just realized I can post in color, so that will be my new thing. Please bare with me while I experiment.
Things turned out pretty much the way we expected for Betty. She has not heard from Joe in a few days, nor does she expect to. There's no love lost though. They only went on one date for goodness sake, it's not like they were engaged. I told Betty to get a grip. She tends to be a bit neurotic about these things.
As far as Jamaican stalkers, I have finally decided to take my own advice. One of the things I know about myself is that I'm a little nutty, thusly I try to avoid guys who are too normal or too cool. I like Beavis & Butthead, I like to swing on swings at the park. I like to rollerskate with my son. I'd rather take a nap than go to the gym. I prefer book to music videos. I prefer church to nightclubs. I thought maybe I could be compatible with my 7 day friend. He just has a fear of commitment or some bullshit he tried to run. I was having none of it. He asked me to give him some time, but I said no. I think I should spend some time with myself, not worrying about what some guy is thinking.
My recently divorced ex had a birthday this weekend. I forgot to call him. He's too handsome anyway. He and I didn't match each other. It's not that I'm not attractive, I'm just not as attractive as him. Like Renee Zellweger is cute, but if she showed up with Brad Pitt we'd all be like "HUH?!" you know? The whole time we were together I kept waiting for some beautiful model chick to come steal him away from me. Not that he was that type. He never gave me any reason to question his fidelity. Although in the end I broke up with him, he's a decent guy and one of the few I don't regret. His daughter is gorgeous, and he joked that she could have been mine. Dork.

**Update on Rob** As of today I still have not heard from him, so the official report is that he still stinks. I will keep you informed as updates come in.

Love Song

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Kappa Party

Tonight I received a single red rose from a corporate litigator who attended Harvard. I'm feeling pretty special.

Rob Stinks!

Dear Rob,

On the off chance that you ever actually read this I want you to know that you stink!
And it's about time you finally wrote something in that blog of yours. I stopped checking because you hadn't written anything since March 11th, then all of a sudden there are 5 new posts.
Did you know I check that blog everyday? You know why? Because I'm a big dork. Oh, and because you never call me you big jerk! I hope things are going well and I'm glad you are feeling better.

Love You!

http://lifeoffiverings.blogspot.com

Tax Day

Fortunately, I filed my taxes months ago. I had to since my car was in the shop with $1,000 worth of repairs. Stupid car. My inspection is up at the end of November, which stinks because I'm usually scrambling to get money together for Christmas around that time. Yeah, so that refund was spent long ago. I didn't get as much as I was expecting, I got less this year than last year because I made more money in 2004 than I did in 2003. I still got the earned income and child tax credits, but it was less because I'm in a higher tax bracket. Woohoo! I don't get it.

The lady at my job jokes that today is actually April Fools Day. I think that is fitting.

It's Friday, what to do? I could end up in Connecticut tonight. It just depends.

I found out Tuesday that I may be a nimphomaniac. Wow.

Interesting Phone Call

So, one of my exes called me last night and told me he is getting a divorce from his wife of 3 years. Wow. He wants to get together with me.
I can say I am 99% certain that he and I will never again be more than friends, so I guess there is no harm in seeing him.
What do you think?
Anyway, it's beautiful outside, so as much as I would love to ramble on this stupid blog that no one is ever going to read besides me, I am going outside to soak up some sun!

Joe & Betty

Men say that women play games when it comes to relationships. I suppose that is true, but men play just as many games and can be as difficult to decipher.
Case in point, I have a friend we'll call her "Betty." "Betty" works in an office surrounded by married men. One of those men decided to set her up with one of his single friends. We'll call the single friend "Joe."
Now, my friend Betty is sweet girl, pretty, but slightly deficient in the self confidence department. As she describes it, Joe is everything a bachelor should be. Tall, handsome, smart, successful, easy going, funny... the list goes on. Like myself, Betty is on a spiritual path trying to grow closer to God through prayer and Bible study. She discussed her beliefs with Joe who says he is a Christian, but admits that getting closer to God is not a priority for him right now. This should be a red flag for Betty, but it's difficult finding good, single, Black men, so she doesn't want to rule one out based on one piece of criteria.
So, Betty and Joe went on their first date this weekend. It was a good time, and at the end of the evening they ended up back at his apartment. The conversation was winding down, and he, being an amateur bartender fixed them a few drinks. Betty doesn't drink, which is a good thing, because alcohol impairs her judgment. If she had been drinking she might not have had the strength to resist his charm and sex appeal.
Out of respect for Betty an Joe I won't give you the steamy details of their goodbye kiss, but I will tell you Betty managed to end the evening with her virtue in tact.
The thing is now, how to know if Joe is really interested in seeing this through or if he is being polite. The date was Friday. He called Sunday. She e-mailed him Monday, he gave a positive, yet brief response. She texted him on Tuesday and he texted back that he was in meetings all day. Most people, men and women, never learn how to give bad news well. We don't like to disappoint so we draw things out needlessly so we don't have to say what needs to be said. Like, instead of saying, "I don't want to go on anymore dates with you" a person says, "I'll call you..." but you never hear from them again.
Anyway, I like Betty and Joe seems like a decent fellow. From the way she described the situation I couldn't offer any useful advice or suggestions. All I said was to give it a week. If he doesn't ask you out again leave it alone and move on.
Any thoughts out there?

Reliving My Childhood...

I was going to write an interesting blog telling you about my weekend. Instead I ended up surfing the web looking up some of my favorite shows from when I was a kid. I found some awesome sights dedicated to the early 80's. I put links for 2 of them below.


http://www.retrojunk.com/
http://www.greenslime.org/wlpg.htm

Look, it's almost a dog Part II

I had never been with anyone who lived life so in the moment. He was never caught up in worry about yesterday or tomorrow. He made a point of enjoying life right now and he made every experience fun and exhilarating.
Our first date we met in the city at a coffee house near 6th and Pine.
He had the ability to be arrogant and vulnerable at the same time. Even the most subtle touch was erotic, every meeting of our eyes was full of anticipation and curiosity. It was never the words he said that moved me, rather the passion with which he spoke.
He told me he shared an apartment in the city with a few friends. He didn't want to take me there just yet and that was fine. I didn't want to share his attention with anyone.
Mostly we just walked that day.
And talked, and listened to each other.
Listened to the city.
He proposed to me on South Street in front of The Magic Garden.
I'm pretty sure I said yes.

http://www.isaiahzagar.com/

Good Advice...

Avoid 7 Day Jamaican stalkers -if you can help it.

I wanna be rich when I grow up...

I believe I mentioned once before that I have a stalker-like crush on Allen Iverson. That being said, let me tell you about a Sixers games I attended recently.
My mother's birthday was March 30th so we got tickets for the family to a Sixers games at the Wachovia Center. Club box seats. Maybe you are familiar with club boxes. They are on their own floor with a separate escalator, guards, attendants and all that good stuff. They are like little hotel suites. We had an open buffet, private bar complete with bartender. We even had our own bathrooms!!
The only way they could be better is if they were closer to the court. They are kind of high up. But still, I like that feeling of superiority to the common man. I'm pretty sure I was royalty in a former life. Like an Egyptian princess or something.
Ordinarily, if I am in the presence of Allen Iverson (even in a crowded arena) I am complete enthrawed. Following his every breath and step, silently worshipping him like a heathen. That night, though, I didn't pay that much attention, they lost to Dallas anyway. I made sure to yell my usual obscenities to the other team and shout cat calls at Iverson, but not with the same enthusiasm. I booed the cheerleaders, or the dance squad or whatever they call those jumping sluts. They were terrible. Not stitch of rhythm in the bunch. People seem to confuse the ability with follow choreography with actual dancing. If you're counting "..2,3,4.." while you do the steps you are NOT dancing. They did the entire routine off beat, yet still completely in synch. Hilarious. I have a love/hate relationship with cheerleading. As a former cheerleader I respect it as a sport, because I know how exciting and challenging it can be. It just pisses me off when people use it as an excuse to make skinny rhythmless tarts bounce around half dressed. I forgot where I was going with this...
Oh, yes, I must be rich. It is my destiny. I want an apartment in Rittenhouse Square, I want the Mercedes SL600 Roadster and a Jaguar S-Type. I want to vacation in exotic exclusive resorts and have people wait on me and kiss my ass. Yeah, that will be sweet.

Just a little crush

I am NOT in love. I want to make that clear.
But, there is someone who makes me feel all tingly inside.
Someone whose calls I look forward to all day.
If I don't get atleast 2 text messages a day from him a find myself pouting.
I love this sinking feeling.

There

Are

Butterflies

In

My

Tummy

*smile*
*SMILE*
I have to be careful not to fall
don't
fall

Hehehe

It's just a crush

I swear